Greer's Ramblings

The Primrose, February 2010

I want to tell you all about a great evening I had recently. But before I can do that, I have to introduce you to my friend Sarah. Now some of you met Sarah at the January CGS meeting. You might recall her English accent (yup, not Australian, not Irish, and not South African) and her oh so English habit of ordering Gin and Tonic with a lemon rather than lime. That was her first CGS meeting, and her first time out in public as Sarah. We all remember that thrilling terror that went with the first steps out of the closet and out the door, and one of these days, Sarah will write and tell us how she felt that first night out, but my story is about her second night out.
Following the CGS meeting, Sarah and I had corresponded about going out early in February. I suggested that we check out the Velvet Rope or the Hideaway. Sarah was anxious to spread her wings, but falling naturally into her new role, she bemoaned her lack of anything to wear. Well it happened that my plans for a Thursday evening fell apart the day before. I asked Sarah if she would be free, and if she would like to take the opportunity to do a little shopping the next evening. She was indeed interested and available, so our plans were made.
Now dear reader, you must try to understand what occurred in my mind and hers. I certainly had no intention of the two of us going forth in drab to pretend to be buying things for our delightfully feminine significant others. Heaven forbid! Of course our Sarah had never considered any other way at this very early stage of her introduction to life in the trans lane. The poor thing. She slept peacefully that Wednesday night, never guessing what it might mean that Greer had entered her life.
On Thursday, I contacted Sarah to coordinate what we were going to wear. The weather was dicey enough that I even considered the option of wearing pants (the spells come over me now and then, but I usual snap out of them in time). Sarah somewhat weakly granted that I was welcome to dress, but that she planned to go in boy-mode. “What?!?!”, said I. “How can you possibly do that? Ridiculous! Silly girl!” That is not what I really said of course, but I did strongly suggest that she should take advantage of the opportunity. She somewhat grimly agreed to try, and we agreed on long skirts. As it happened, she did not have any femme pants, and I certainly was not going to wear pants while she was in a skirt.
We met in a Panera parking lot. True to her word, Sarah was wearing a nice long skirt and heels. She looked good, but definitely nervous. As she got settled into my car, she kept saying, “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” When I inquired if she had any preference about where to go shopping, her only suggestion was someplace where the lights are dim and there are few people. I told her that there is no such place for shopping, so we would start at my favorite place for affordable clothes, Target!
Throughout the short drive that followed, she kept interspersing her comments about not believing she was doing this with whispered hopes that no one would be there and that maybe the store would be closed. No such luck of course. The store was open, the lights were all on, and the parking lot had lots and lots of cars. I ignored Sarah’s last ditch attempt to avoid the inevitable when she offered to wait in the car. With a final “I can’t believe I’m doing this”, she got out of the car and joined me for the long walk to the front door.
I suspect that Sarah was half expecting to be immediately arrested upon entering the store, charged with being a deviant English person (is that redundant?). When no such thing happened, she relaxed a little. We first looked at purses, but quickly decided to move into the clothing area. There I introduced her to the clearance racks. Yes, the wonderful clearance racks. Toward the front, 30% off, then moving deeper into the land of feminine fashion, 40% and 50% off. Then deep in the heart of no-man’s land, the 75% off racks. Ah, so sweet!
Poor Sarah was being a bit shy about taking things off the rack, so I found her a skirt that looked short enough to be interesting (is anyone surprised that is what I picked up first?), and then I told her we needed to find a top that she could try on with it. “Oh no,” she said. “I am not going to try these on here!” Silly thing. She still did not understand.
We wandered through the department, rather like bees going from flower to flower in search of sweet nectar. Actually not like that at all, but we did wander all around. Sarah found some tops she thought might be nice, and I picked up a couple of skirts to try (same style, one in 14 and one in 16, I have gained weight). Sarah was still saying she would just buy the things and try them at home. “Oh pshaw”, I exclaimed, and marched toward the fitting rooms. Sarah tried to hold back, but I waved her on.
As an aside, for those of you that are not familiar with Target, they normally station an employee (sales clerk? associate? team member?) at a desk at the entrance to the fitting rooms. Customers are issued a plastic tag with a number indicating how many items they are taking into the fitting room with them. As luck would have it, just before we moved into the area, the employee went back into the fitting room area to help another customer. Sarah seized the opportunity and grabbed a tag with a “4” on it that someone had left on the counter. As this happened to be the number of items she had, she took her purloined tag and entered the nearest open fitting room. Being a stickler for the rules, I waited for the return of the employee to get my “2” tag before entering another fitting room.
While I was pleased that the size 14 skirt fit, I was not taken with the look so I surrendered my items when I emerged from the fitting room. Happily, Sarah was pleased with all of her choices, including the skirt that I picked for her. We spent few minutes checking out shoes, but nothing looked good. So we were off to the checkout area. About this time, it occurred to Sarah that Target probably was not going to give her the clothes just for the having the courage to come in and try them. She asked if they had a self-check aisle, but no such luck. Then she pondered using cash rather than using a credit card with her “other” name. She ultimately used the card, and the checker thanked us without ever really looking at us.
Our next stop was Ulta. It was getting late, so the assistance we received was somewhat half-hearted, but Sarah managed to end up with a basket full of essential make-up items. At the cash register I forced the cashier to engage us a little by commenting on the photo of the blonde with the blue eyes. Have you seen that picture? Her eyes are amazing!
We then made a quick trip into PayLess Shoes. As we entered, the clerk informed us that their “buy one, get one half off sale” was going on, and that the store would be closing in 5 minutes. We failed to find anything of interest so we left after a few minutes.
By that time, Sarah had stopped muttering “I can’t believe I’m doing this”, and she was fairly relaxed. Of course that all returned when I suggested that we stop somewhere for a drink. The muttering got louder as I marched her into the lobby of the Hyatt and onto a stool at the bar. By the way, for those who haven’t been back since the 2008 Be-All, they have moved the bar from the center of the lobby over to the front of the restaurant, where the coffee bar used to be.
We sat at the bar for an hour or so and had a wonderful chat. The bartenders were very nice, and the 7 or 8 other patrons (all guys) pretty much ignored us (too bad). Much too soon, the fact of early rising the next morning forced us to bring our evening to a close.
I know that the whole experience was special for Sarah, but I am the one who was truly enriched. I have been blessed by the help and kindness and friendship that has been given to me over the last few years by many members of the trans community. These great people have helped me to become comfortable with myself and my place in the world. Now it is a truly wonderful feeling to be able to (try to) fill the role of big sister, and help a new friend spread her wings. It is a joy and an honor. Thank you Sarah.
*****
Back in June, my family and I took in a hilarious production called “Poseidon! An Upside Down Musical” that was staged by Hell in a Handbag Productions. Having thoroughly enjoyed that one, we went to see their production of “Rudolph the Red Hosed Reindeer” in December. We laughed ourselves silly. Next time I think I will see about getting together a theater party. Anyone interested? Check out the website at http://www.handbagproductions.org/.

*****Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? Please send to me at greercd@hotmail.com.

Greer's Ramblings

The Primrose, January 2010

Happy New Year! Last year I started off by actually listing some resolutions. Just for fun, let’s see how I did on those:

1. Go on a diet/lose weight – Unless gaining weight counts, I don’t think I lived up to this one.
2. Always take purse out of car before locking it – I came close a time or two, but this one was a success. No late night meetings with the nice man from the Auto Club.
3. Go to new places while dressed – I had some success here. I suppose the ultimate was my visit to the DMV, but I also visited grocery stores, restaurants, night clubs and had my first pedicure/manicure at a salon.
4. Improve femme voice – I did work on this a bit, but I still have a long way to go.
5. Organize closet/drawers – Very little change here. I identified a few things to be sold or given away, but they are still taking up space in the closet.
6. Win a large lottery – Sadly no. Would my odds improve if I actually bought a ticket?

I don’t think I am going to make any resolutions this year, but I will try to continue to do the things that felt right in 2009:

1. Enjoy being myself.
2. Make new friends (but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold – sorry, I am a lifetime member of Girl Scouts).
3. Do what I can to help others on their own journeys of discovery.
4. Show off my legs at every opportunity.

*****
In my December column, I started a story like this, “There once was a person. Sometimes he was a boy, and sometimes she was a girl.” We left as the person was anticipating a party where his friends would meet her friends.
There were some other important people in the person’s life. There was a spouse. She was always a girl. She did not really understand the person, and she did not particularly like it when the person was a girl. But she did love the person, and she knew that it made the person happy to be a girl sometimes. So she did not spend time with the person when she was a girl, but she encouraged the person to go out and be with her girl-friends.
There was also a child. This was a grown-up child who was also always a girl. She loved the person too. She also did not really understand, but she was supportive, said she was proud of the person, and even went out with the person at times when she was a girl. This made the person very happy and very proud of the child.
For several years, the little family had a party to celebrate the special holidays in December. They would invite neighbors, friends of the spouse, and friends of the child. They would also invite friends of the person, but only those who were friends when he was a boy. But this year, the spouse agreed to let the person invite some new people. Some people who were friends of the person when she was a girl. People who also were sometimes boys and sometimes girls.
When the night of the party came, the person was nervous about what might happen. What would his friends think of her friends? What would her friends think of his friends? The person came to the party as a boy. This was from love and respect for the spouse. The neighbors were there. The friends of the spouse were there. The friends of the child were there. And the girl-friends of the person were there too. They came to the party as girls. This was because it made them happy and because it was right for them.
So what do you think happened? It was a party. His friends met her friends, and her friends met his friends. Everyone ate and drank and talked and had a good time. It was a party. Then everyone went home and talked about what a good time they had.
The person was very happy.
*****
Throughout December, I continued to make one particular mistake. I kept neglecting to take my camera out of my purse. This means that there are no photos to spice up my ramblings. Well, perhaps the editorial staff will include the “after-the-fact” photo of my outfit for the CGS Holiday Party. I took that when I arrived home after the party. What you cannot tell from the photo is that my feet were killing me. Those are my feet, at the bottom of my legs, attached to the painted toenails. I did a fair amount of dancing and my shoes just were not right for such activities. They looked good, but they ended up being what Steve Martin called “cruel shoes”.
While I am talking about the Holiday party, I should mention my arrival at said soiree. As it happened, I had enlisted the help of my friend Tom-Tom to get me to the designated country club. Actually Tom-Tom is a GPS with the female voice of Kathy who is actually English. Kathy is very nice while giving driving instructions. She never gets upset when I repeatedly ignore her and take routes of my own choosing. However, she does get it wrong now and then.
As directed by Kathy, I was cruising southeast on highway 12. Kathy informed me that my destination was just ahead on the right. I spotted a sign that said, “Country Club entrance ahead”. Seeing this entrance on the right, as specified by Kathy, I turned into the driveway. The approach to the club was quite beautiful as it wound for a short distance through some trees. I saw that valet parking was being provided, and I decided to avail myself of this service to avoid the necessity of walking to and from the parking lot in the winter cold. A very nice young man took my car keys and bid me a pleasant evening.
I walked into the club to find one couple sitting in the lobby. I smiled at them and looked around for some evidence of where the CGS party was being held. Seeing no signs, I strolled toward voices coming from what appeared to be a dining room. When I reached the door from which the voices were coming, I realized that it was not our group (too many guys wearing pants). I returned to the lobby and found the coat check room. I asked the lady in coat check if she knew where the CGS function was. She had no idea and directed me to the concierge/valet office by the front door. Approaching this office, I saw a sign for the country club. The name on the sign was definitely not what it was supposed to be. Oops.
The same young man who had taken my car was now in the office. I explained that I seemed to be in the wrong place. He very graciously gave me directions to the proper club, brought my car around, and wished me a pleasant evening. He was cute. Too bad he had to work!
The correct venue for the party ended up being very, very nice. It was a beautiful setting and a delightful evening! I sat between Julie (aka The Terminator at the Halloween Extravaganza) and Jill (this time with her gorgeous blonde hair and a killer minidress). The standout dancer of the evening was a hot guy named Rodney. He had much more energy than I did (of course he was only half my age), and he definitely knew his moves. He was even brave enough to suffer through a close dance with me, but I think his feet may never forgive us.
*****
The dance with Rodney (sorry about your feet) reminds me that something I would like to do is to take some dance lessons where I can wear heels and follow. Anyone out there dance foxtrot or tango and interested in leading?
*****
I recently had the good fortune to spend a fun couple of hours at the Rock Bottom Brewery with Lyseth (known to all I am sure) and two newcomers, Jerzi and Sarah. We sat at a table in the bar area and were served by a delightful young woman with the unexpected name of Brigitta (as in Angela Cartwright’s role in Sound of Music). Jerzi and Sarah were both in drab (poor dears), Lyseth was looking stylish as always, and as shocking as it must be to hear, I was showing a good deal of leg in my red sweaterdress. Anyway, after we had chatted a bit with our server, it was obvious that she had seen through our artful presentations and recognized the wonderful people inside. So while Jerzi used the opportunity to hit on the lovely lass (tee hee), I used the opportunity to ask her when she had tumbled to “the truth”. To her great credit (thank you Brigitta), she at least pretended to have taken awhile to see. Ultimately she said it was my voice that convinced her. Not a surprise, but if I am unable to find my voice, perhaps I should take up signing. Actually I already know some sign language, but it is really only appropriate when someone cuts me off while driving.
*****
The December T-Party at Big Shot was not quite as well attended as it was in November, but there were still about 20 girls celebrating the season. There were several ladies making their debuts that night. One of these was Holly with whom I talked at length, and who is now the Transformations December Calendar Girl (check her out at http://www.transformationsbyrori.com/Calendar%20_Girl_12-09.htm).
*****
One of the perks of being a regular contributor to the Primrose is that I get away with writing just about anything that comes to mind (well, there was that one joke about Katie and Tiger Woods that was edited out, but why quibble). Since I am writing this late in December, I would like to offer a couple of year-end personal observations before I release you from this particular trainwreck.
It is both surprising and delightful when I meet people who read my column. Frankly, I am not sure why anyone would want to waste time with my ramblings, but I am grateful to those of you who do so. Thank you!
I feel that I have blossomed as a full person in the last couple of years, and this is due in no small part to the wonderful people of CGS. I am grateful for the warm and caring reception I have received at every function, starting with my very first meeting. I am also grateful for the diversity of backgrounds and lives that mingle freely within CGS. My thanks to all of you for being a part of this very special organization.

If you have spent any time listening to my bragging, you know that my wife is very special to me. She does not understand why I do what I do (who does?), and she really does not like to see me as Greer. But she accepts that I cannot be a full and happy person if I repress this important part of myself. She willingly shares our master bedroom closet with my whole wardrobe including multiple wigs. She does not flinch when our grocery list includes mascara or lipstick for me. For all this (and much more), I am truly blessed and I am very grateful for her love and support.

Recently though, she really went above and beyond the call. I was complaining about the cost of buying a nice winter coat for my femme self, and she volunteered to make one for me. We selected a pattern and went to Vogue fabrics to pick out the material. She modified the pattern a bit to fit my somewhat unusual shape, and then worked for hours to put everything together. The end result is a beautiful grey, wool herringbone coat that is fully lined and wonderful to wear. Thank you my darling!
*****
Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? Please send to me at greercd@hotmail.com.

Greer's Ramblings

The Primrose, December 2009

I do not believe that I did it again. I had a whole month to write my little portion of deathless prose for this column. But what did I do? I wait until the day of the deadline. What is wrong with me? I suppose it is the same thing that was wrong with me in school, and that has been wrong with me for my whole life. Hi, my name is Greer. I am a procrastinator. It has been 10 minutes since I last procrastinated. Sigh.
To cut myself a bit of slack, my “Greer-life” has been pretty normal recently. This is probably good in many ways, but I have not been doing much that is new and adventurous and exciting. That of course leads to a lack of new and adventurous and exciting things to write about. Hmm, it sounds like my “Greer-life” is becoming dangerously like what’s-his-name’s life. OMG! Unacceptable! Panic!
What have I done since my last deadline? Well, there was the Halloween Extravaganza, a very disappointing Halloween weekend, my CD support group, CGS business meeting, and the monthly Transformations T-party. Heck, I should be able to make up some interesting stuff about all of that! I will do just that in the next section. But first, there is still this nagging thought that I need to add a bit of “pizzazz” to things.
What I need are some fresh ideas. Ideas for things to do that will be new and adventurous and exciting! Can you help dear reader? Do you have any ideas that you might care to pass along? Send me an email at greercd@hotmail.com. Oh, please do not bother to suggest skydiving or base jumping or any such falling activity. While this might be interesting in a skirt, my fear of heights would fully negate the excitement.
*****
The Halloween Extravaganza, sponsored by Transformations
and Skyscaper Heels, moved to a new venue this year, it was in a motel banquet room, the name of which completely escapes me. Memory issues aside (and I frequently use asides as you know, although it is sometimes better to stay neutral, that is do not pick a side. Sorry), I believe a great time was had by all. My only quibbles were with the food and drink. Apparently the banquet facilities are just getting started so the bar was not yet properly equipped and some basic things were unavailable. As for the food, it was good, but the variety of past years was absent. Enough of my being picky, on with the fun stuff.
You may recall from last month, after much searching and agony, I ended up with a costume called “Sexy Swashbuckler”. Aye mateys, I shoulda been talkin’ like a pirate and making landlubbers walk d’plank. Alas, lacking an appropriate hat, eye patch, parrot and treasure chest, I looked much more like a serving wench than a swashbuckler. And of course that was fine with me! Another flagon of ale sir?
The standout costumes of the night were The Terminator and Nosferatu. Both were excellent costumes and well deserved their first and second place wins in the contest (they were costumes weren’t they?). I entered the contest at the last moment, but the judges sent me around to the servants entrance and then sent me for more drinks when I tried to step onto the stage. I would have been less disappointed if they would have at least pinched my bottom.
Another standout costume that deserves mention was that of our own VP Christine. Apparently having lived for the last year in her correct gender, she thought it would be amusing to come in drag, that is as a guy. In a suit and tie no less. Personally, I found the effect to be rather disorienting and highly confusing. Where was my BFF? Sensing my discomfort, Christine gave me a hug, and I was much better. But next time dear, please go for “Sexy Whatever”. Much less disturbing.


*****
For some months I had planned to get together with a friend from the Twin Cities over the Halloween weekend. She was going to come in Friday and we were going to party all weekend. Unfortunately, she had to cancel because of work. Very disappointing. So I stayed home and passed out candy to adorable little neighborhood children. I realized that some of the younger ones had no idea why their parents were forcing them to take candy from these strangers. Didn’t they always say you shouldn’t do that? Is life always going to be so whimsical?
*****
Early this year, I helped to start a new support group for crossdressers out in the Western burbs. We meet on the first Thursday of each month in Naperville in the offices of a delightful therapist of my acquaintance (she did what she could for me, but I am still crazy). The group has been growing very slowly, but we are making progress. For me it has been a great opportunity to help some new members of the community find their feet (there they are, in those high heels). We have been taking an unstructured approach in our meetings. Mostly we just chat about whatever is on our minds. Of course I always take this as an opportunity to dress in something conservative (don’t want to scare anyone), and attendees are welcome to come in drab or drag as they wish.
If you or someone you know might be interested in joining us, please drop me an email.

*****

I thought I looked pretty sharp for the November CGS business meeting in my black jacket and short black skirt. But Gina showed me up in her “new” outfit of boots and dress from ebay. Alas, Jill put us both to shame in her very “butch” outfit featuring blue jeans, t-shirt, backwards cap, and 5:00 shadow. Ah, what ever happened to the lovely long blonde hair?
The program for the evening featured Karen Heart talking about relationships and communicating. It seems that grunting and swinging a heavy club (watch it!) is no longer the best way to communicate and to foster a good relationship. Nor should we be using those old reliables, guilt and snide comments. Is it really possible that we can get somewhere by being open and telling our significant others what we want? Nah! Sorry Karen, but honesty just can’t be the answer! Where’s the scheming and conniving? The plotting and keeping of score? Can it really work?


*****
The November T-Party was another crowd-
pleaser. Big Shot in Arlington Heights really is a very nice place to meet. Subdued lighting without being dark (or strobing). Pleasant music without being too loud (and with natural pauses between songs). A little dance floor for those so inclined (and a couple were this time). A drink menu that brings joy to every martini drinker in the community (and a couple of nice single malts for the rest of us). But do you know what really makes Big Shot special? Well, on the third Thursday of the month, you can find the nicest (and best looking) group of people there, sitting and standing around the Southwest corner of the room.

*****

The holiday season has arrived. As I write this, it is just a few days before Thanksgiving. Of course that also signals the official start of the shopping season. That wonderful time when even the most shy and closeted of us can buy those special things and pretend they are for the wife or girlfriend. Seriously though, like many of you, this has always been my favorite time of year. The gifts and the parties are fun of course, but what I really like is the way that everyone seems a bit more cheerful, a bit more friendly, a bit more approachable, perhaps even a bit more tolerant. With that in mind, let me tell you a very small story.
There once was a person. Sometimes he was a boy, and sometimes she was a girl. When he was a boy, he had some friends who knew him only as a boy. They would talk and laugh and enjoy life together. When she was a girl, she had some friends who knew her only as a girl. They would talk and laugh and enjoy life together. The person enjoyed all of the friends. But at times, the person was sad. The person didn’t really understand why his friends and her friends couldn’t all be friends together. Why indeed the person thought. So the person decided to bring some of his friends and some of her friends together for a party. They will all have fun and get along together famously, the person said. So the party was planned, and the invitations were sent. But deep inside the person was worried. What if his friends thought her friends were stupid? What if her friends thought his friends were weird? What if all of the friends got mad at the person for having such a bad idea? But on the other hand, what if they really do get along and talk and laugh and enjoy life together? Wouldn’t that be wonderful!
How do you think the story will end? To be continued next month . . .

*****

As we enjoy this special time of year, I am grateful for the gift of friendship. The gift that I have come to share with many of you over the last year or two, and the gift that I hope to share with all of you in the future. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me, and for helping me to enjoy all of who I am.

Hugs,
Greer

Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? Please send to me at greercd@hotmail.com.

Greer's Ramblings

The Primrose, November 2009

Deadline! Pressure! Stress! Argh! I usually write and submit my column to the tender mercies of The Primrose editorial staff well in advance of the deadline. But this month, circumstances have caused me to wait until the very last minute. I can feel beads of sweat gathering under my wig. They break free and run down my face leaving furrows in my foundation and beard cover. Will I be able to write? Can I create yet another literary masterpiece under these intolerable conditions? Let us see . . .
*****
October is a special month around our home. This is the month of our wedding anniversary, and we usually take some sort of trip to celebrate the occasion. Unfortunately, Greer is only present on these trips in spirit. Nevertheless, I would like to devote a few words to the subject even though there is no “T” in this rip (that’s trip without the T). We spent a few days in Las Vegas at the beginning and end of the trip, but the real destinations were the national parks at Zion and Bryce Canyon. We stayed a couple nights at the lodges at each of these parks, and it was wonderful. No televisions, no telephones, just an abundance of natural beauty. Much like a CGS meeting!
*****
October is also special because of Halloween. That wonderful day when everyone who has a secret urge to crossdress can do so with some degree of impunity. I certainly planned to attend the big Halloween Extravaganza presented by Transformations and Skyscraper Heels on the 24th, but that also left the night of Halloween itself to celebrate. A friend from Minnesota was going to be in town for that weekend, so we were planning on doing a Halloween bar/club crawl. I was quite undecided about wearing a costume. Should I just dress and look fabulous, or should I get into the costume thing? I hesitated and let time pass. I began looking at web sites to see what sort of costume would work for me. OK now, you know me. What sort of costume would I be looking for? Of course, something short that shows off my legs. I am rather predictable I guess. Anyway, I zeroed in on the “Women’s Sexy Costumes” sections.
In my search for an acceptible costume, I first eliminated anthing with pants or a long skirt (that’s a given). Next I eliminated having to do with sports (sexy referee, sexy football player, sexy race car driver, sexy jock strap). I’m just not a sports person. Then I eliminated those taken from things about which I know nothing (sexy Harry Potter, sexy Twilight person, sexy Octomom). Next I eliminated anything with wings, since I did wings last year (sexy bee, sexy angel, sexy fairy). Finally I eliminated anything with a plunging neckline or an exposed midriff (on me, the former is boring and the latter is plain scary).
I ended up buying a sexy geisha costume with a very short skirt (grin). Unfortunately, size large was too small (rats). It was also missing several costume pieces such as chopsticks for my hair and the obi belt. Back to the store. Alas, no larger size available for my chosen costume. Looking closer, I saw that most of the available costumes come in sizes medium, small, extra small, and teeny tiny. A few come in large, and even fewer come in extra large or plus sizes. Those that come in the larger sizes seem to be more interested in covering up my legs rather than showing them off. Where is the Tranny Costume Store when you need it? As always, if I would have planned better, I could have ordered something in advance and done just fine. Another lesson that I will ignore in the future.
So what did I end up with? Well, after checking availability at every Halloween costume store I could find, I ended up with Sexy Swashbuckler. However, it doesn’t look particularly pirate-like, so it can also be used as a Sexy Wench costume. The party isn’t until after the deadline, so I will have to report back later with reactions and photos.
*****
A very sad happening in October was the announcement that the Tall Girl shops were closing. It has been less than a year since I first walked into the shop in Schaumburg, but in that short time the ladies of Tall Girl have become supporters and very good friends.
It was my great pleasure to attend the impromptu going-away party for Sarah (formerly manager of the Chicago store) that took place at Big Shot in Arlington Heights. There was a good turnout considering that it was strictly a word-of-mouth event. Other honored attendees including Kathy (manager of the Schaumburg store), Carmen (area manager), and Shentel (beautiful daughter of Carmen). Transformations was fully represented by Rori, Olivia and Soto (I think Lisa had a date or something). Prez Jackie was there wearing a stunning new animal-print dress with exposed shoulders (oh la la!), and VP Christine also showed up apparently by accident (out trolling for a party I guess). Other luminaries were ex-Prez Katie and web-mistress Audry, both of whom didn’t look too bad (tee hee).
So what is in the future for the ladies of Tall Girl? Sarah is moving back to North Dakota where she was raised. No doubt she will soon be missing the warm 20 degree days here in Chicagoland. Kathy is looking at other retail management opportunities in the area. I am still trying to figure out what sort of “T” event we could have at the duty-free shop at the airport. Carmen briefly considered supporting herself by selling her hair, but that didn’t work out. For now, she is content to be a mom and give Shentel good advice like, “Don’t you cry” and “Man up!”
I have no doubt that we will see these ladies at community events, or anytime the bar is open. Heck, for all I know, they might still be sitting at Big Shot drinking martinis.
*****
The other big event during October was Chicago Illusions night at the CGS business meeting. The lovely and provocative ladies of Illusions presented another original show featuring audience participation, great costumes, and corsets. Yes, I was indeed called upon to don a corset along with Christine and Jenny. Unfortunately, mine wasn’t nearly tight enough, so I missed out on all the squeezing that the other two enjoyed so much. To make up for that, I was given the opportunity to help wipe down the leather suit worn by Miss Lola.
Thanks to Senior Mistress Luna, Mistress Celeste, and Miss Lola for a fun evening!

*****
Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? Please send to me at greercd@hotmail.com.

Greer's Ramblings

The Primrose, October 2009

At the September CGS business meeting, Prez Jackie brought up the subject of drivers licenses and ID cards. Fortunately she was wearing her designer flak jacket as the topic elicited a great deal of discussion which led to a cat fight and then to gunshots, apparently with large bore shotguns. Someone yelled “You lie!” and someone else screamed “It’s the cops!”, then the lights went out and everyone ran for the doors.
Wow! That Christine plans some exciting meetings doesn’t she! OK, so I made most of that up, but I could hardly wait to see what happened next. In reality, there was a high level of interest expressed about state ID cards and driver’s licenses. Naturally I figured I better throw my unsolicited opinions into the fray.
In my mind (feeble as it may be), there are two different sets of questions involved here. One set for those who split their time between different presentation genders, and another set for those who are transitioning on a full-time basis. Jackie is making official inquiries about the requirements and processes for those who are transitioning, and she will report her findings elsewhere. For my part, I decided to take on the questions facing those of us who are “part time”. So gather round the fire my friends, and I will tell you of my adventures at the Secretary of State facility in Lombard.
To set the scene, a number of years ago, the great state of Illinois made the questionable decision to bestow upon me the title of “licensed driver”. In spite of an occasional difference of opinion with law enforcement officers, I have happily maintained my right to operate a motor vehicle (single vehicle, GVWR 16,000 or less, except cycles, corrective lenses required) ever since. To obtain the laminated card that is the expression of the state’s trust in my driving skills (hereafter referred to as a driver’s license or DL), I was required to present proof of several things: (A) my date of birth, (B) my signature, (C) my social security number, and (D) my residence. There was also the minor issue of whether I could drive, but we won’t open that bucket of worms just now. I satisfied the requirements by presenting my Colorado state drivers license, my social security card, and a utility bill showing my new address. Since then, I have managed to continue to confuse officialdom, and my DL has been renewed a number of times. The hair in the photo has become progressively more grey, and the weight shown has inched up. But each time, the word “Male” has been included along with my full name as spelled out in my birth certificate (which neither looks nor sounds at all femme).
Like many of you, I have never much liked having to show my “boy” DL to get into clubs or to establish that I am of legal drinking age (I am, but only barely). Since I spend the majority of my time in boy mode (a pity), changing my DL to femme is impractical. However, I had heard and read that one could also get an ID card with a different photo. I must admit to being dubious about this, but I decided to dive in and see what was truly possible.
I checked out the Secretary of State website (http://www.sos.state.il.us/), and found nothing that said that I couldn’t have both an ID card and a DL. So, I checked out the office hours for my local facilities. My preferred location (Lombard) is closed on Sunday and Monday, open 9 to 7 on Tuesdays, 8 to 12 on Saturdays, and 8 to 5:30 on the other days. As it happened, it was Tuesday, and I was planning to go to the Transformations T-Party that night. So I decided that I would hit the DMV on my way that very day! Everybody say, “you go girl!”
A side note here if I may. I was raised in California (yeah, yeah, I know), and the place where you go for everything related to driving in California was the Department of Motor Vehicles, aka “the DMV”. What do you Illinois natives call it? Perhaps you could all get together and elect a spokesperson to inform me. For now, I will use the term DMV. By the way, I have also lived and had DLs in the states of Washington and Colorado, and I don’t recall what they called the DMV either. Do you care? Nah!
Like most of you, my many experiences with the DMV have always been friendly, helpful, positive and emotionally uplifting. What? Really? Not so much? You would rather read my column than go to the DMV? Wow, that’s pretty bad. As I recall, the experience was actually pretty much the same in each of the 4 states where I have been licensed.
Anyway, I tried not to think too much about what my DMV experience en femme would be like as I prepared myself for the evening. Those of you who saw me later at the T-party at Big Shot know that I decided to present myself a bit more conservatively than I sometimes do. Now, now. Let’s be nice and not start throwing around words like slutty and trampy. Can I help it if all my skirts shrunk in the wash? I have resisted the urge to shrink or otherwise raise the hem on my new, black, knee-length, pencil skirt from Tall Girl (Kathy shook her finger at me and said it was supposed to be that long), so I thought it would be a good opportunity to wear it. I paired the skirt with a feminine, but understated short-sleeved blouse, and my black pumps. I thought I looked every inch the career girl after work.
In spite of the sadistic efforts of Tom Tom (my GPS with a female voice named Kathy who speaks with a British accent) to take me someplace else entirely, I managed to arrive at the DMV in Lombard about 6:30 PM. There were quite a few cars in the parking lot and I envisioned a long wait in line, all the while being sneered at by dozens of trans-phobic working men and women who also enjoy spending time at the DMV. But on the positive side, it was a beautiful day, work had been tolerable, and I was en femme and feeling excellent. Let them sneer! Let them laugh! I say “Hah!” For I am trans, hear me roar! (Damn, that sounded good, I wish I really was that confident.)
My first surprise was pleasant. In spite of the number of cars in the parking lot, the crowd in the office was actually pretty light. There were perhaps 6 people in the initial waiting area. My second surprise was the very cordial greeting I received from the man at the “welcome” desk. I told him I was there for an ID card. He nicely asked if I had a DL, then used it to enter initial information in their system. He didn’t bat an eye as he looked over my boy photo and information. With a nice smile, he handed my DL back along with a slip of paper showing my waiting list number and told me it would just be a few minutes.
I selected just the right place to sit in the waiting area (not so close to the front that I appear pushy, far enough back so that I can look around at other people, not to close to the back so that I look timid, and on the main aisle so that when I cross my legs they can be properly admired). Sitting there I was able to relax and look around at my fellow supplicants. In addition to those of us in the waiting area, there were about 8 at the various windows (all seeming a bit nervous and agitated), perhaps a dozen in the testing area (poor sods), and 4 people in the photo area (all breathing big sighs of relief). I had to smile when a young lady and her Dad went up to the first window while I waited. Remember being that young and going for your first DL? No really. Do you remember, because that is way to far back for me to remember!
I only had to wait about 5 minutes before my number was called. I had a moment of panic as I tried to figure out where window 8 might be. Between windows 1 and 3? Possibly after window 12? OMG! Oh, there it is. Right between windows 7 and 9. How clever. Like in numeric order or something. Now remember to walk like a lady, short steps, slight swing to the hips, non-believers are watching.
I managed to make it to the window without falling off my heels, and there I met Ms. DMV worker of 2009. She was everything that we all love about this special breed of people. Unsmiling, abrupt, cold, all business. To her credit, she didn’t react to my boy DL, although she did sound a bit confused when she confirmed that I was applying for an ID but already had a DL. She proceeded in a businesslike way to complete the paperwork which required my signature in two places, and then she sent me along to the cashier.
There was one interesting thing that happened while I was at window 8. A “suit” with a name tag that identified him as a manager of some sort placed a small note in front of my clerk. The note was held in such a way that I couldn’t read it. After reading it, my clerk said something affirmative to the suit who then walked away. I suspect the note said, “Did you notice that it’s a guy?” Or maybe it was “Be careful with the tranny, he/she’s a reporter for The Primrose.”
While the clerk at window 8 had been a member of the all-DMV team, at least she didn’t flinch. The cashier however, was a bit older and less able to hide her reactions. From her I got a serious double-take, and another question verifying that I wanted an ID card when I already had a DL. I gave her $20 and a smile. She then mumbled, “Put the fraggin in gra slaggen and tovin out the phwten.” Sensing my confusion, she let out a sigh that was fine-tuned by years of DMV experience to express disdain for all outsiders, and she then repeated that the form was to go into the red box and I was to go to the photo area.
In the photo area it occurred to me that my name would be called to have my picture taken. Oh goody. Everyone’s curiosity to be satisfied with one yell of “Joe Lunchbox?” I know, I will ignore my name when it is called. After a moment I will look around as if to ask, “so where is this guy that’s holding up the process?” Then I would go up casually as if to ask a question. Yeah. That will fool them. Ah, but then years of training took over. My name was called and I jumped to my feet. Rats. Outed by old habits.
The lady doing the photos ended up being another pleasant surprise. She gave me a nice, genuine smile and very politely told me it would be just a moment while her machine cycled or something. She then had me sign and sit for my picture. Unfortunately she wouldn’t let me tilt and turn my head slightly for my preferred look. I also forgot to touch up my hair and remove my glasses. Darn. Lost opportunities.
I returned to the seating area to wait for my new ID card, and for the last public announcement of my boy name. However, my final pleasant surprise came when the nice photo lady only announced my last name. Bless her heart.
And that was it! I was out the door with my brand new Illinois state ID card that featured a tolerable photo of me en femme. Of course my new ID still has the boy name and information, and that big notation “Male”, but at least my femme face is now official.
I have used my allotted space, so it is time to close. But before I go, here are a couple of final serious observations.
First, if you are considering obtaining a new or changed DL or ID, remember that the state really doesn’t care what you look like, but they do care that they are not a party to any attempt at fraud. You must provide documentation to establish your legal identity. And it is only that legal identity that will be permitted on your DL or ID.
Second, please do not let my story frighten you away from the DMV. There were no impediments placed in my way because I am trans. The process was simple, no one was at all antagonistic (just typically DMVish), and half the people I encountered were very nice.
Now, what kind of trouble can I get into for next month?

*****
Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? Please send to me at greercd@hotmail.com.

Greer's Ramblings

The Primrose, September 2009

The life of Greer is one that is generally made up of a few pleasant hours during one night a week. Say 6 hours out of about 112 waking hours a week, or about 5% (those seeking extra credit must show their work). Of course this does not include the countless hours I spend thinking about what I will wear, when I can go shopping, whether my butt looks big in this (I wish), and whether breast forms should be replaced after 10 years of faithful service.
However, there are some weeks where my Greer cup truly runneth over (I’m speaking metaphorically here, so please don’t even go there). During the first week of August, I was out and about on 3 occasions, and each involved some new experiences and meeting new people. Total time en Greer? About 22 hours, or almost 20% (can you show that as a fraction?). Let me tell you more about those experiences, plus a couple others from later in the month. Please try to keep the groans to yourself. Remember, you chose to read this rather than do something amusing, like sticking a fork in your eye.
*****
On Sunday I attended the Pamper Party at Chicago Illusions. I know, there are some who have concerns about the goings on at Chicago Illusions, but I can tell you categorically that the Pamper Party had nothing to do with infant wearing apparel. What it was about was being pampered by the wonderful ladies of Lush Cosmetics as they demonstrated many of their products, and by our good friends at Chicago Illusions who made us all feel very welcome. I can also say that the party attendees included a current CGS VP, and at least one former CGS President (there are so many of them it is difficult to keep track), so this was obviously a high class event.
The festivities began with everyone getting liquored up so we would enjoy seeing each other with strange green stuff on our faces. Well, liquored up might be overstating it, but we did enjoy a glass of wine while we were introduced to Lush, and the ladies began preparing for our first pampering, a delightful foot soak. A side note here. I excused myself and went to the ladies room to remove my thigh highs, but my new friends Anabelle and Noelle demonstrated that young GGs are comfortable with whipping theirs off while sitting on the sofa. Perhaps it is because the legs thus exposed are so much smoother and attractive than mine. In any event, not only did I brand myself as being “older”, but I also missed seeing the young lovelies in the act of becoming bare legged. Where’s the fairness in that?
Once our tootsies were all soaking deliciously in warm baths of various colors, the facial mask segment of our pampering began. Now I will freely admit that green is a lovely color, but I have made a note not to consider it as a foundation color for my personal makeup regime. I must also admit that I pretty much wimped out on the facial mask. I had nothing against the mask itself, but I just was not keen on spending the rest of the evening with my natural face showing through sans makeup. Besides, it made it much easier to be amused at the alien faces that appeared all around me.
Following the face masks came my favorite part of the pampering, a (much too brief) hand massage. This is always a delightfully relaxing experience, and I recommend it highly.
Our evening at Chicago Illusions ended with a complete tour of the facilities before we said good night to our hostesses. (Those still interested in extra credit should calculate the ratio of the letter “s” in the word “hostesses”.)

*****
Tuesday was my much-anticipated visit to the teen drop-in center at CAAN in Joliet. I had been asked to speak to the young people about being trans, and I was very excited as this was my first attempt at community outreach. What a wonderful experience!
At the time of my visit, the drop-in center was officially open to teens in high school. This has recently been changed to all between the ages of 15 and 20. The emphasis is on providing a safe and comfortable location for those who are LGBT or just questioning.
The center is supervised by Dave (whom you might remember from last month) and Desiree. The drop-in center has been operating for about a year, and attendance has been steadily increasing, with as many as 15 teens in at a time. Of course summer takes its toll, and there were only 4 members there during my visit. Because of the very appropriate rules of the center, I can only introduce you to Jake and Mark who were both over 18. For the other 2, I will put fake noses and glasses over their names to protect their privacy, and call them Beauty 1 and Beauty 2.
Everyone sat through the agony of my Powerpoint presentation with only minimal snoring and spitwad throwing, but then the Q&A began and the fun really started. They asked some good and probing questions, and I am proud to say that I answered all of them. Even when I had to make up answers. Once the serious topics were exhausted, the conversation took a downward spiral as the relative merits of “The L Word” and “Queer as Folk” were discussed along with several other MTV shows that I have never even heard of. My personal guilty TV pleasure, “Army Wives”, evoked a bit of interest from one of the Beauties, but everyone else was too focused on “Real World” to care.

*****
Thursday was my monthly support “group” meeting in Naperville. The quotes are because we have yet to have enough people in attendance to really call it a group, but “support couple” sounds wrong. Perhaps “support pod”? Anyway, it was a worthwhile get together since there was a new person in attendance who needed some support to help her begin to express herself outside the closet.
Afterwards we went to Le Chocolat du Bouchard in Naperville, had a wonderful cup of hot chocolate and continued our talk. This is an excellent place to relax and enjoy some of their tempting treats. It was my first visit while dressed, and the staff were very friendly and welcoming. It made for a delightful end to the evening, and I will definitely be going back.

*****
The next week was the regular monthly CGS meeting. Others will cover the details of the meeting, but I wanted to share some personal observations. As you know, the program was a presentation by Doctor Schechter on GRS. As usual, I was sitting right at the front of the room so that I could heckle the board with a minimum of yelling. When I realized that Doctor S was going to be showing photos, it was too late to get up and find a place way in the back. Great. I will probably get queasy and hurl right there on the dance floor (I don’t do blood and guts very well). As it turned out, the presentation was very interesting, and Doctor S didn’t allow the more graphic photos to linger too long on the screen. In a couple of cases, I couldn’t even figure out just what I was seeing (why does he have a photo of a 4 legged octopus?). So, crisis averted.
I should mention that our friends from Tall Girl shops were in attendance, as were several ladies from MB Bank (thank you for letting us use your parking lot!). What must they have been thinking during the presentation?

*****
This year was my first time at Sheila D’s picnic. Is it always so damp? Pres Jackie swears that she specifically ordered sunshine, but I think she should demand a refund. It was great that so many people came out in spite of the drippy weather. The thunder and driving rain gave us all something new to talk about.
For those of you that were concerned that my skirt shrank in the rain, it’s true. No, not really. I wore a longish skirt thinking that it would be comfortable and allow the air to circulate. Surprise! After the first downpour, the air got steamy, and the long skirt was just too much. Besides, everyone kept asking if I was sick or something. So, I pulled my emergency miniskirt out of my purse (don’t leave home without one) and changed in the ‘loo. Ah, much better. Of course during the next major drenching, the wind picked up and the temperature dropped, but there was no way I was changing again.

*****
Another first in August was the first Transformations T-Party at Big Shots in Arlington Heights. It was an excellent party and an excellent new location. The staff were very friendly and we felt right at home. Kudos to Robin who was our server. Every time I ordered a drink I was sitting at a different table (social butterfly or possibly ADD), but Robin always knew what I was drinking and put it on the right tab (Christine’s actually, I sure can’t afford to pay for 30 year Laphroaig myself). We ran her ragged, but she took great care of us and never lost her smile or her enthusiasm. Thank you Robin!
The highlight of the evening was the singing of “Happy Birthday” to Lisa on the occasion of her 21st birthday (or was it 18th?). The piano player accompanied and the whole bar joined in.
The only negative that I heard expressed about Big Shots was getting to the door. There is plenty of free parking in a parking garage just ½ block down the street, but for the more reserved, walking that ½ block was a bit unnerving. Right across the street is a park area and there were lots of people out and about. Of course I had decided to wear my new red minidress from Fredericks for the occasion and I thought I looked pretty hot. I just had to remind myself to walk carefully. Tripping on a high heel is always bad, but doing so in that dress and at that time would have been unfortunate.
Anyway, in spite of the somewhat exposed runway to the door, Big Shots was fun and it is another place I intend to return to soon.
*****
Before I close and let you return to your normally scheduled life, I would like to comment on an interesting (well, interesting to me at least) question of language. And that is the use of the term “guys”, as in “I just wanted to tell you guys that . . .” Concern over the use of this term has come up several times recently, particularly from friends of our community who strive to be aware of our sensitivity to correct pronoun usage.
In my always humble (and unsolicited) opinion, there is nothing wrong with using this term when talking to any group of people (men, women, t-girls, t-men, etc.). It is a bit more casual and friendly than saying “you people” and not as regional as “y’all”. Certainly we (t-girls that is) love to be included in a group as “you ladies” or even “you girls”, but in a mixed group that doesn’t necessarily work either.
I think the key is that the term is being used as a form of address for a group, rather than as a label for individuals in that group.
So go ahead, say “you guys” as appropriate. Just don’t say “a bunch of guys in dresses” or I will be forced to hit you with my purse.

*****
Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? Please send to me at greercd@hotmail.com.

A Change of Label

We frequently talk about being on a voyage of personal discovery. We each take different routes, we may spend time in ports along the way, blah, blah, blah. It is a fine analogy although I tend to get a bit seasick on the open sea. I bring it up because I just realized that my attitude about myself has changed a bit, and I thought I would use this forum to make this change known. But let me digress for just a moment.

During an earlier part of my voyage (sorry), I considered myself to be a transvestite or TV. At that time, it was all about the clothing. Wearing the clothes was exciting and an end in itself. Over the last few years, I began to go out more and I realized that things had changed. It was no longer just about the clothes, but rather about being out while dressed. I then began to thing of myself as a crossdresser or CD.

Of course, things continue to change. Recently I have come to realize that I am no longer a male who is dressing or presenting as a female. I am actually somewhere in the middle on that spectrum that has "male" on one end and "female" on the other. I am not uncomfortable presenting and living as male, and I expect I will continue to do so for the majority of the time. But happiness in my life requires that I spend part of it presenting as female and enjoying that portion of my being that is feminine.

So, I have decided that crossdresser is no longer the appropriate term to apply to myself. I think for now that I will use the term T-girl. It sounds cute, and it implies a certain minimal level of experience and knowledge. Perhaps someday I will be wise enough to be a T-woman.

By the way, it might no longer be ALL about the clothes, but I love 'em! Shopping anyone?